The world spins on a mother’s comfort,
breathes her words of encouragement,
dies when she sits with empty arms.
Joined with her heartbeat in the womb
we hear it pulse throughout our lives
with each step that takes us further from her.
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Notes: I got this far and hit a wall. I am not sure how to continue. Do I write about when we lose our mothers? The strength she gives/gave? I began with the world and went to we...Does that work?
Izy at Real Toads asked us to post an unfinished poem and ask for feedback on how to complete it.
Poems In Progress
breathes her words of encouragement,
dies when she sits with empty arms.
Joined with her heartbeat in the womb
we hear it pulse throughout our lives
with each step that takes us further from her.
________________________________
Notes: I got this far and hit a wall. I am not sure how to continue. Do I write about when we lose our mothers? The strength she gives/gave? I began with the world and went to we...Does that work?
Izy at Real Toads asked us to post an unfinished poem and ask for feedback on how to complete it.
Poems In Progress
Comments
I'm really interested in what you have to say about losing your mother, whether through death or just natural distancing, or both. My own 2 cents is that I'm far less interested in the world part of this... I want to read about your losses and gains. You know? Actually, the world goes on no matter what... when a mother dies, even when a child dies, when any number of unthinkable things happens, the world keeps going. I would like to read about how your narrator keeps going. Keep going with this! xo M
Personally, it breaks my heart as it rings true and though my mother isn't dead she might as well be...mental illness and depression have stolen her from me and she's beyond reaching.
But this is not what you asked for. I apologize for making it personal but this is my honest response. ♥
Where ever you go with this an emotional piece.