"I am hearing poetry when awake, dreaming poetry when asleep, breathing poetry with each breath, I am living in a poem."

Friday, June 28, 2013

Black Clouds On The Sunniest Day

I heard your giggles
and saw your blond hair
as you plotted mischief
with my daughter, Carrie.

You danced through
our photo albums
as you always did,
but the silence became too loud.

Why was it that the sunniest day
had such dark clouds?
 Sunday turned bleak
with a scream spiraling
down the stairwell,
Jamie’s dead!!

It was hard to hold pain
when it was liquid pouring
from one’s soul into
limbs that were drowning.

I held Carrie trying to plug
the tears in her heart with compassion,
but the walls of my own heart
were breached by pain and
I felt them crumbling.

A monster with an unknown face
had come out of the dark
to steal Jamie’s life and leave
her broken body discarded
like an unwanted doll.

Childhood memories were
bloodstained by the unspeakable.
Carrie’s spirit became a crime scene
screaming why and will evil be caught?
Holding Carrie in my arms
I felt her warmth
while grieving the empty arms
of Jamie’s mother that her precious
daughter would never again fill.


©Susie Clevenger 2013

In 1999 Carrie's friend, Jamie, was abducted, raped and murdered by a man who was caught after he had murdered another young woman. DNA from that crime linked him to Jamie's murder. It is so hard, no it is impossible to put into words the pain my daughter went through after losing her friend so horrifically. 

At Real Toads Fireblossom prompted us to speak of loss. Fireblossom Friday ~ Loss


Mama Zen said...

That had to be so terrifying!

Helen said...

... unspeakable loss ... never resolved, never erased for everyone impacted by the tragedy.

You have written a powerful poem ...

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Oh wow. What can you say? That is so awful.

A strong emotional poem about a truly horrendous event.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh my God, Susie. One of the most traumatic of losses possible. Horrible. This prompt has brought some amazing reads - so many of them go straight to the heart, as does yours.

Patricia A. McGoldrick said...

Susie, this was so brave to write and share about this tragic event--loss, underscored.

grapeling said...

I don't think I can post the words that immediately came to mind. They invite rage and retribution.

Not long ago, the police found the bones of one of my dearest childhood friends, who was abducted in 1983. She was 19. Her bones were located some few hundred yards from where her car was found the afternoon she went missing. Her mother and father later both passed, not knowing. We had always hoped she'd just run away...

Sometimes we don't even know what we can hold.

Kay L. Davies said...

I can only imagine the pain Carrie, and everyone, must have felt. But we "mama bears" (whether mothers ourselves or not) do imagine it, every time a precious little one goes out the door.
I am so glad Carrie was able to turn to you in her sorrow, and to share your sorrow.

juzta mum said...

I am in tears, speechless. I pray no mother has to go through this pain and no child should experience this grief!

Hannah said...

This is such a devastating loss...I'm speechless.These are the kind of nightmares that will never happen to us, our family or friends....(it feels so far from us when it's on the news), you made this real and a reminder that, "they," are out there. I'm so sorry for that loss.

Mary said...

Oh, Susie, what a very tragic story. What a horrible thing to happen to her, and how painful this must be for you and your daughter to think about. It is something that will stay with a person for life...having something like this happen to a friend.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Not only does this poem deal with loss from a multitude of perspectives: a friend, a mother witnessing the loss of her daughter's innocent youth, while feeling the loss of another mother, but it also calls into question the manner in which the loved friend lost her life. That unknown taker, whose brutal act destroyed so many lives... his presence is strongly felt, and detested.

Marian said...

oh good lord Susie, a nightmare. love, love, love to you and Carrie, too.

Ella said...

oh, my God I can't imagine-this is terrifying and horrific!

Your words go straight through me-the tragedy is so awful...

I am so sorry for your daughter and her friend-your family and Jamie's...sad, so sad!

hedgewitch said...

Yes, impossible to convey the spectrum of devastation, of loss of trust and security, of fear and anger, and every negative emotion the heart can hold--still, you give it words here, along with the feeling of grief and violation. Mu sympathies to you all--these things don't really go away, we just learn to live with them.

LaTonya Baldwin said...

rightly said, the pain doesn't go away, we find a way to live with it. Tender and loving write, Susie.

Fireblossom said...

I can't even imagine how horrible such a thing is for the people who loved her, and I can't and don't want to imagine how evil and devoid of humanity that man must be.

Thank you for linking this harrowing piece to my challenge, Susie, and thank you also for the lovely review of our book on Goodreads!

Wordifull Melanie said...

There are no words. Yet, you conveyed this horror so powerfully.

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