I'm Lazy Until I'm Not


 

One would think lazy and ambitious
couldn’t be first cousins in one’s personality,
but it seems in mine the bloodline of both is strong.

I can sit at my library window for an hour or more
pondering the neighbor’s roofline in an attempt
to decide if the HOA approved the shingle color,
and watch the clouds above it shapeshift from
fluffy white sheep into shades of  gray wolf.

 I could call it indolent Zen,
borderline meditative state,
but avoidance is more accurate. 

Dirty Laundry, dust bunnies, and dishes
in the sink just don’t amuse or bully enough
for me to break a stare to do a task.

At times in the middle of not caring
visions of my sock drawer invade with
there’s no order in it, no closing it, no finding
the white, blue, or black in it. 

Without warning a capricious alarm
of “must do” goes off in my head,
and I will run past all my should do’s
like a woman mad with OCD on caffeine
to toss, sort, and reorganize until 
I feel confident my white socks 
no longer suffer the chance 
of being invaded by black lint.

There’s an element of impossible 
to predict which me will show up
my husband must tread cautiously
through daily. 

I can see where he might find a bit
of amusement in watching me leap
from sloth to gray squirrel, but
he has learned to gauge my barometer
to determine if it is safe enough
to weather predict the outcome of my storm.

©Susie Clevenger 2024

This is just a peek into my ADHD



Comments

Fireblossom said…
I was loving the picture and then read the poem and saw where the squirrel fits in! I am very much the same except that for me it's a physical thing, how much energy I have to spare on any given day. I don't have many days when I really feel able to do much but when I do, I am a dervish. I *like* getting things done, but my body will no longer let me except on those marvelous, rare days. Poor Charlie lol, having to gauge your mood! :-)
Sherry Blue Sky said…
I love this so much. I can see Charlie's half-smile as he tiptoes quietly away.
Jae Rose said…
I love how you have conveyed your feelings and moods in a gentle and self caring manner. It is good to have those moments looking out the window
Carrie Van Horn said…
You and Charlie make a wonderful team Susie. When you love someone, and know someone, you know when to step in or step back or maybe laugh right there with them. I can relate to this poem myself.
Dora said…
Loved this poem, Susie. You've described the contradictory states so well that I can, alas, empathize only too readily. From manic to depressive, or from being completely zoned out to completely tuned in, is a matter of a stormy weather moment indeed.