Tanka Trio

Grace at Real Toads challenged us to write three Tanka poems which consists of five lines in a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count. I am not sure I aced the challenge, but I gave it a shot.


Stone angels greet her
as she walks among the graves
seeking ancestors,
the rose of her sun burned cheeks
the bloom of life among death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of music
plays with a scratched melody
in the memory
of an elderly woman
who could no longer dance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I close my eyelids
wishing for rest, but find you
lurking in my dreams
reading Edgar Allan Poe
while dressed as the Cheshire Cat.


©Susie Clevenger 2012

Comments

Kay L. Davies said…
I love the first one, Susie, and the last one really has the feel of one of those confused dreams. Very well done.
K
March 15, 2012 at 12:22 AM
Ella said…
I love where I went reading yours~
The last one tickled me, the idea is scary~ Well Done
March 15, 2012 at 7:15 AM
Anonymous said…
Very nice set...I specially like the third one..the images are contrasting of wishing to rest, and thoughts disturbing your dream.

One thing I have learned in tanka is that the third line is crucial; cuts the poem into such that its the last line for the first 3, or the first line of the last 3 lines.

I am happy you writing tanka ~

Heaven
http://a-sweetlust.blogspot.com/2012/03/waiting-for-spring.html
March 15, 2012 at 7:16 AM
Marian said…
what's wrong with these? they're wonderful! i love the sunburnt cheeks coloring the graveyard, most especially.
March 15, 2012 at 8:31 AM
Laurie Kolp said…
Susie- I really like the second one although they are all lovely.
March 15, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Kerry O'Connor said…
The first two tanka create such strong images in the mind: the graves, stone angel, and old woman.
Very well done.
March 15, 2012 at 12:31 PM
Sage Ravenwood said…
Wonderful verses. The last especially appealed to me with the Edgar Allan Poe reference. (Hugs)Indigo
March 15, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Mary said…
I like these a lot. My favorite is the first one. I like its twist: the "life among death." And the second one, it seems only appropriate that the elderly woman would hear the scratchy melody...
March 15, 2012 at 1:34 PM
Herotomost said…
Oh heyyyyy!!!!! Nicely done. That middle one is haunting to me, I think that I am going to be that way when I get really old, hearing the continual drip drip of my life draining away never actually getting a good nights sleep because of the lucid dreams. Fabby...loved these.
March 15, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Anonymous said…
very nice, Susie, love the first one especially, and the unexpected vision in the last of someone

"reading Edgar Allan Poe
while dressed as the Cheshire Cat"
March 15, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Mary Ann Potter said…
Up to the challenge? I'd say you were!!! These are wonderfully written. That last one was the cherry on top of the sundae! 8-)
March 15, 2012 at 4:37 PM
Mystic_Mom said…
Susie - these three are so good. Enjoyable to read over and over, which I did.
March 15, 2012 at 4:39 PM
Teresa said…
While they are all nice, I just love the first one. Great imagery.
March 15, 2012 at 9:59 PM
Hannah said…
Your turning points are profound, captured well. Inspiring.
March 16, 2012 at 10:11 PM
Margaret said…
I am lovin the first one with its image of sun burned cheeks and grave stones and they don't get any more clever than the second... loved "who could no longer dance" and the last one... ha! truly enjoyed it.

I'm giving you a HUGE round of applause.
March 17, 2012 at 9:32 PM
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