Betrayal


Pungent enticement
drifts on the air.
Hunger raises its nostrils
searching the draft for sustenance.

Desperation argues with trepidation,
there will be no surviving this bloated wasting.
A growling stomach rumbles in agreement
coercing fear to surrender.

Somewhere in the darkness
lies the relief of starvation,
a waxy yellow seductress
lying in betrayal’s steely teeth.



©Susie Clevenger 2011
OSI Prompt 186: Betrayal

onesingleimpression

Comments

Shauna said…
An intelligent take on the topic.
You truly show instead of tell, Susie.
September 18, 2011 at 4:53 PM
Anonymous said…
Love all the imagery in here. So well done.
September 18, 2011 at 8:29 PM
The Write Girl said…
I enjoyed the visual imagery and the emotions you build up here. Nicely written.
September 18, 2011 at 9:51 PM
Jim said…
Very nice, Susie.
To me this is an intriguing tale of "I'd die for food" theme set to poetry.
..
September 18, 2011 at 10:09 PM
Nanka said…
Very well done and love the image too!!
September 19, 2011 at 9:47 AM
aayanman said…
Quite beautifully done,the scene construct is vivid and the narration is smooth. Liked it.
September 19, 2011 at 10:21 AM
Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis Hall said…
very vivid imagery.
fantastic words.
September 19, 2011 at 2:00 PM
Unknown said…
What an interesting juxtaposition between actual words and intentions. This is very creative.

http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2011/09/18/betrayal/
September 19, 2011 at 3:42 PM
Anonymous said…
Ha ha, fabulous! Never tried to get inside the head of a mouse. You've done him justice.
September 19, 2011 at 11:13 PM
Rosemary Nissen-Wade said…
What wonderful words! I love 'pungent', 'waxy', 'seductress', 'steely' — and the rest!
September 20, 2011 at 2:08 AM
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