"I am hearing poetry when awake, dreaming poetry when asleep, breathing poetry with each breath, I am living in a poem."

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Short Straw


Two wheels and restless
gathered enough speed
to eat pavement until
leaving was a cigarette
light among blacktop scars.

He had counted on being counted on
until he grew tired of drinking from the short straw.

Gripping thunder with his thighs
he left ordinary in the dust
he could never own.

Goodbye tasted like tequila. 

© Susie Clevenger 2015



Flash 55 Plus

18 comments :

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oo, this one pulses! Great closing line!

Cara H said...

I can picture this gritty character in my mind's eye. A likeable fellow, though hard to get to know, I think.
http://sphereofmusic.blogspot.com/2015/01/outfoxing-quixote-flash-55-extra.html

Björn Rudberg said...

Oh yes.. Love the melancholy of this .. Capturing the disappointment - the dust and road.. And the goodbye with a taste like tequila.. Very vivid.

Gemma Wiseman said...

A misfit - he just cannot stay strapped in a social straitjacket. It seems that this guy's term of being dutiful was not a winning choice and so he must follow his own inner needs. Powerful and moving poem.

Ron. said...

Fine, fine work with a GREAT closing line, SC. My hat is off.
I, too, have noted the frequently close proximity in both taste and time between tequila and goodbye. .

Kerry O'Connor said...

Every line is inspired, Susie. What a great capture of character.

Grace said...

Gripping thunder, tasting tequila, I admire your ending lines Susie ~

Happy New year ~

Wolfsrosebud said...

sometimes is was that strangle feeling of getting away from it all... you captured that

hedgewitch said...

A favorite Allmans song, and a vivid portrait, Susie, especially the bite like lime and dust in that last line.

manicddaily said...

A wonderfully vivid portrait, Susie-- and great phrasing and metaphors throughout. Thanks, k.

Kathryn Dyche Dechairo said...

Wow, I love this one. Gritty and punchy.

Kenn Merchant said...

I actually don't mind the taste of tequila, but only if it is mixed with something else.

Fireblossom said...

I love those old Allman Brothers songs! I always think of "Almost Famous" when I hear them, for some reason.

grapeling said...

this is really cool ~

howanxious said...

Oh! That is real good. Vivid and hard-hitting. I especially liked this bit: "he left ordinary in the dust he could never own".
-HA

Grandmother (Mary) said...

Great last line!

Kay L. Davies said...

LOL — Goodbye must have been particularly awful if it tasted like tequila.
Luv, K

Yvonne Osborne said...

Cool image. My fav line is
"gripping thunder with his thighs", having ridden on the back of a bike, that describes the sensation perfectly.

© Confessions Of A Laundry Goddess , AllRightsReserved.

Designed by ScreenWritersArena