Thursday, August 7, 2014

Mother

The world spins on a mother’s comfort, 
breathes her words of encouragement, 
dies when she sits with empty arms.

Joined with her heartbeat in the womb
we hear it pulse throughout our lives
with each step that takes us further from her.

 ________________________________ 

Notes: I got this far and hit a wall. I am not sure how to continue. Do I write about when we lose our mothers? The strength she gives/gave? I began with the world and went to we...Does that work? 

Izy at Real Toads asked us to post an unfinished poem and ask for feedback on how to complete it.

Poems In Progress

8 comments:

Vandana Sharma said...

Its a nice dedication to all the mothers, a mother will always look after us even when she's not her.

Marian said...

Hi, Susie!
I'm really interested in what you have to say about losing your mother, whether through death or just natural distancing, or both. My own 2 cents is that I'm far less interested in the world part of this... I want to read about your losses and gains. You know? Actually, the world goes on no matter what... when a mother dies, even when a child dies, when any number of unthinkable things happens, the world keeps going. I would like to read about how your narrator keeps going. Keep going with this! xo M

Hannah said...

I think it works to transition from world to we...we all have/had mothers.

Personally, it breaks my heart as it rings true and though my mother isn't dead she might as well be...mental illness and depression have stolen her from me and she's beyond reaching.

But this is not what you asked for. I apologize for making it personal but this is my honest response. ♥

georgeplaceblog said...

Maybe the beginning is the ending. I see this as a mother who has lost her child...
Where ever you go with this an emotional piece.

Helen said...

I might consider writing from the 'empty nest syndrome' perspective ... I'll be back with another thought or two ~ after coffee!

Kerry O'Connor said...

I really respond to the universal nature of your opening stanza. I would perhaps move closer to 'personal' experience and go for 'you' or 'I' instead of 'we'.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is beautiful, Susie.......I resonate with the mother's empty arms.........as the others say, wherever you take this, it will be powerful.

Isadora Gruye said...

first off, super thanks for posting to the out of standard...I think you have a good start here. Me personally, I was intrigued by the idea of a mother with empty arms. That seems rich with opportunity! Especially if you challenge yourself to go beyond the expected, so many of us, even those with out children are mothers with empty arms and what does that mean??? ohhhhh....if you don't covet this, I am definitely going to1