Monday, July 29, 2013

Naive's Ending


Naïve
ended when
seventeen felt the
beading droplets of budding
sensuality bubble upon its skin
with chills that burned a hole
in what it thought it knew about
blue eyes, a kiss, a touch, the ability
to stop a flood once the dam is breached,
and love being a pretty fairytale where pain doesn’t exist.

© Susie Clevenger 2013


23 comments:

sayan said...

what a brilliant poem...absolutely blew me off my chair

Jim said...

It's a very nice theme, Susie. The shape poem form with longer and longer lines adds to the crescendo effect of loosing ones naïveness and the welcoming into the real life.

The writing too would be hard to convey this process in a fairly rapid progrossion. That is not always the case, I've seen people remain fairly naive for quite a long time, like gradually over years.

Bless this laterf group o people, I envy them in a way.
..

Vandana Sharma said...

Love too is sometimes bound by certain dam and when that breaks all the emotions flow.:)

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Waiter! A cold shower to Table 6!

PoppySilver said...

Gorgeous flow and perfect detail, extremely emotive! :)

Fireblossom said...

The poem suits the form to a tee, expanding outward and becoming more complex.

Lisa A. Williams said...

Very nice Suzie! Seventeen was a turning point for me as well, still took a long time to realize that there are no fairytale endings.

juzta mum said...

Hey sensuous, intense and yet simple.

humbird said...

naive, but pretty...love is fairy tale, just let it come in...nice week, Susie :)

LaTonya Baldwin said...

my seventeen is going through this and all I feel like is crying. great capture.

mindlovemisery said...

Susie this is tremendous you are so talented!

Other Mary said...

Yea, that's a hard lesson. Does anyone escape it? I'm not generally a fan of center aligning, but it works here, as each longer line adds weight and depth. Really good write Susie.

Leovi said...

Poème exquis, l'amour de leur structure pyramidale visuel!

Helen said...

'Must' read for every young thing coming of age. Stellar poetry, Ms. Susie.

Kerry O'Connor said...

I love that you took the idea of the etheree and extended it from syllable to word count. I also thought I might get more out of the form if I focused the lines around an increasing number of words.

Marian said...

the pain is always there. beautiful and wrenching, Susie.

Sam Edge said...

nothing sadder than innocence lost

Tatius T. Darksong said...

Your poem has a nice flow and a much needed message to some.

Ellecee said...

Enjoyed your poetic message,,,how well I remember,,, "with chills that burned a hole
in what it thought it knew about"
This can happen at any age but is especially shocking in our teens,,,,the opening of doors,,,

Kay L. Davies said...

So very well said, Susie. Although the form adds increasing weight to each line, it is easy to forget (or not think about) the form in the increasing weight of the message.
K

Susan said...

I find the loss of innocence sad and rarely say "You should have known." I've got to check out this form that makes the end of Naive both crisp and deep.

Maggie Grace said...

This reads so beautifully regardless of form but is so impressive in the etheree form. You inspire me to want to try one even if the linky is closed. I need a challenge. Haven't been doing the longer challenges but did Trifecta today.Lord grant me the serenity... Anyway, fluid and wonderful write.

Sharp Little Pencil said...

"Naive ended" got me going, and I stayed with you throughout, Susie. Reminded me of Janis Ian's song, "Seventeen," except yours is not cynical, simply real. Love is a fairy tale, especially at that age. The happy endings don't come until you've kissed a LOT of frogs... or is it toads?! Amy