Tuesday, April 16, 2013

NaPoWriMo 2013 Day 16 ~ You Smell of Dust


You smell of dust,
wind and today’s dark ending.
You smell of dust
choking faithful into mistrust
where no words can mend broken faith.
I can’t escape this bitter wraith.
You smell of dust.



©Susie Clevenger 2013

Marian at Real Toads has us writing Roundels or Rondelets...Yes, I agree it
sounds foreign and confusing. Well, it is to me who struggles with rhyme like it is a muddy bog I can't escape from. Since it is National Poetry month I jumped into the challenge and attempted it. I Say Roundel, You Say Rondelet   

14 comments:

Marian said...

oooooh, Susie. effective, dark, i feel like i need a drink of water now. very well done.

Emma Major said...

sad, dark and powerful

Margaret said...

Maybe I made this to hard upon myself. I thought the refrain had to rhyme with the "a" lines.

Mistrust does choke a relationship. I find this form lends itself well to the extreme emotions of love and hate!

hedgewitch said...

I think the rhymes feel very natural and unforced--they are at home in these kind of forms, which indeed, almost pull them out of you--this is evocative and haunting, Susie.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Today's dark ending... clouds of dust. Yes, you have found poetic voice for these tragic times.

Mama Zen said...

That second line is just delicious! Gorgeous work with the form.

aprille said...

Your work makes me feel rather shallow. So much to it every day.

Grandmother said...

Your first two lines form an amazing opening.

Jinksy said...

A nitty gritty poem. :)

Hannah said...

Dark and poignant, I enjoy the broken faith line, Susie.

Helen said...

This was the perfect form for your refrain line ... you smell of dust. Great writing!

Akila G said...

very poignant..such is mistrust that the lesser said the better!

I thought the refrain has to rhyme qwth the 'A'... got it now

Other Mary said...

Great refrain, and I like the smell of "today's dark ending" - that's really a great line!

Kay L. Davies said...

"choking faithful into mistrust" — awesome, Susie.
K